As you can see, while we were in DC last weekend besides the workshop itself, we ate our way through the city. Far and away one of the best seafood places ever was Hank’s Oyster Bar. At Clara’s suggestion Mr. Lively and I headed there for a date night and had an amazing lobster roll.

In other news, I’ve decided to go in a new direction with the Jess LC homepage. I’ll explain more about that decision next week.

And last but not least, I have to share some new additions to my home.

A few months ago I shared my morning routine and a very nice woman who represents J.R. Watkins noticed that I had their soap in my apartment (she had a crazy good eye). I’ve been buying their products for years because they are natural, affordable, and look like they are from Anthropologie, but can be found at Target.

She then asked if I’d like to try the new grapefruit line to see how I like the new scent. (!!!) Right now I’m totally digging the All Purpose Cleaner and the Body Oil Mist, both of which I had never tried before.

Thank you so much for reading MML and have a great weekend!

Yesterday I talked with a good friend who had just received bad news. One of her big clients decided to pull a contract they had just approved and her work and cash flow for the next few months was going to be deeply affected.

So while we were talking about all the possible good things that could come of the situation, I suggested that she try something that I heard about on a business show (that has sadly been cancelled), during the early part of the recession in 2008.

In the show, a wise man (can’t remember who) said that business owners should all write an article from the perspective of 2012 about how we became huge successes in our industries.

Doing this exercise, he said, would help us step out of our self-pity about the challenges we faced with the economy. It forced us to look at what we could do during the next four years that would positively impact our businesses and could lead to success despite the difficult circumstances.

So yesterday, I offered up the same advice to my friend. I asked her to take some time to write a letter to herself from the perspective of December, 2012 about how this year was a huge success because this client dropped the contract.

I asked her to share in the article what steps she took to find new clients that were also her ideal clients, and how she used this new free time to direct her business to even more fulfilling success.

Basically, I wanted to see if we could find a way to look at this “no” as something that was actually really good news in the long run.

And of course it goes without saying that we can all do this kind of exercise in any aspect of our career or personal life. Because no matter how tough things may seem at the time, the way to get out of the ditch is to imagine a better future outcome and then determine the steps that we need to take to get there.

It won’t always be easy to implement, but it will get us “off our buts” and start moving forward.

** Why the pig photo, you ask? It’s Chorizo, a mini three-legged good luck pig that sits on Mr. Lively’s desk at work.

The other day as I was crossing the street on Clark and Diversey, I realized that my mind was occupied with thoughts about our new workshops, balancing Jess LC, and MML.

And I did a little cheer inside.

You see, for years I spend my time dwelling on what I had to overcome as a kid, what I needed to do to “fix” my body, or how to have the “right” relationship.

I had carried those things, though substantial struggles in my life, far longer than I ever needed to. It was like I had a heavy load of struggles, injustices, or imperfections that I packed in a heavy sack on my back.

And then I spent months, even years, walking around the same mountains ruminating on the same things.

Rather than actually getting me anywhere worthwhile, I stayed stuck moving forward in a circle around the same “woe is me” or “what’s wrong with me” attitudes. Over time, that sack of burdens became part of my identity and story. If I met people and wanted to share my life, I’d unpack my sack and lay it out for them to see.

And though I think there was a good aspect of healing in that part of my life, I think I kept that sack fuller than necessary for much longer than needed.

I remember so clearly a few wake up calls that struck me upside the head and helped me recognize that I could put down the drama and move on.

The first one was a few months after moving to Chicago. After having a long heart to heart with my older cousin, he mentioned that his dad once told him that he had to “stop holding his parents accountable for all the messed up stuff in his life and just move the hell on.” And though that specific scenario wasn’t an exact depiction of some of my “stuff,” it did point out that as much as I might have overcome stuff in my life, I couldn’t keep harping on it and blaming my past for my future.

The second wake up call came from Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food, and God. A few years ago she was on the Oprah Show and mentioned that she one day realized that she didn’t want to gain and lose the same twenty pounds until she was 80 years old. She didn’t want to constantly be trying to manipulate her weight. She wanted to just one day be “okay.”

And man did that cause an explosion in my brain. Of course, I didn’t want to think about my body for the rest of my life! 

Anyways, I will say that these little light-bulb moments didn’t automatically make me walk away for the well worn mountain paths of self-pity and restriction that I had created. But they did point out the fact that I could blaze a new trail, away from the Problem Mountains.

Little by little I started to unpack that sack of issues, setting each one down on the ground with a prayer and the hope for something better.

And over time I’ve moved past the crap and started to live my life without the negative weight. Which has helped me climb new, bigger mountains full of positive purpose and meaning. But had I not unpacked that sack as much as possible, I wouldn’t have the mental health or physical strength to try new things.

So if anyone else is out there struggling with a sad pack, I hope you consider putting it down or seeking help so that you can lay those things to rest and move on towards the possibility that lies ahead.

PS – Business in the City is tonight at Next Door in Chicago! 6:30-8:00. See you there!

As I am finding the balance of Business with Intention and MML, I realize there is a large overlap of readers who want intentional life and business advice. To make sure that I address both concepts, I am starting a new email series called I Wish I Knew Wednesday which will share something that I wish I knew back when I was starting Jess LC, or what I wish I knew just last week.

This email series technically falls under the Business with Intention umbrella, but I will also post the topic on Tuesdays here on MML so that those interested in getting the emails and seeing the content have a chance to sign up before the email goes out the following day.

Tomorrow’s topic is How to Find Manufacturers. This is something I’ve been working on for a few years now and I’ve accomplished in several different ways.

If you’d like to get the email, simply sign up by clicking on the image below. This email list is also where I announce upcoming Workshops and other BWI updates.

(If you have signed up for the BWI newsletter, you will automatically get this series.)

Today Mr. Lively, Clara, and I are off to DC for our second BWI Workshop!

Thank you for reading MML and I hope you have a great weekend! I will be back next week!

I’m now on my third intention in my DESIGN MY LIFE, To Listen to and Honor My Body. Over the past few days I’ve also talked about my intention to Work in a More Balanced Way and To Be in a Committed Relationship.

Of course it goes without saying that these are my personal intentions and are in no way supposed to be seen as “advice.” They are simply the lessons and guiding principals for my life and I encourage everyone to reflect in their own lives on what works for them!

Listen to and honor my body

Whenever I thought about intentions for my life in the past, one of the first tasks that popped up was to eat and exercise “better.” But to be honest, all of that really was really just a masked way of saying that I wanted to be skinnier or lose weight.

I know I’ve linked back to these posts many times, but I really did struggle for nine years with extreme dieting and binge eating. It was a nasty mindset that ruled my thoughts more than anything else in my life.

Thankfully, I finally found my way out of that obsession and I’ve come to a much more peaceful and natural way of eating and working out. And the miraculous outcome has been that I’ve (very slowly) floated down to almost exactly my goal weight without having to stress, measure, dwell, or struggle.

For anyone else out there who might be caught in a similar struggle, I suggest reading Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. It was the gateway that led me to an immense amount of peace and understanding.

Anyways, back to my intentions.

Now that I’ve got a new relationship with food and working out, my new guiding principal is to listen to my body and eat what it wants to eat. But once I feel full, I don’t eat anymore.

In the same light, I workout a handful of times a week with a combination of running and lifting. It’s now become more about keeping my heart and body strong. And I recognize that my anxiety melts away with a good run, so it’s also become a mental health decision as well.

So to sum it all, up: I eat what I want, when I am physically hungry, and as much as I need to feel satisfied. I work out in a similar way: I work out when I want, for as long as I want.

Today I’d like to continue sharing my intentions for my life in my more extended DESIGN MY LIFE series. Yesterday I explained how I work in a balanced way and today is about my relationship.

Be in a committed relationship.

I would love to say that my relationship with Mr. Lively has been a bed of thorn-free roses, but that’s a lie.

It’s not that surprising, since no relationship is perfect.

But still, I was a bit shocked to find out that someone who is as amazing as Mr. Lively didn’t leave me feeling completed, whole, and perfect.

From all that I had heard about “knowing,” I was downright confused as to what “knowing” really meant.

If things felt perfect, then I would “know,” right?

I pretty much expected that I’d hear some Charlton Heston voice announce to me one day “Mr. Lively is your guy.” Then the angels would pop out of the clouds and I would be whisked away to some magical place were reality, cellulite, and student loans didn’t exist.

But that never happened.

Disappointing as that fact might be, it was nothing compared to the time that someone looked me in the eye and said that he wasn’t the one for me. That I was supposed to be with someone five years older than myself. This person was someone I looked up to considerably but did not know Mr. Lively. That blanket statement shook me to my core and made me question everything.

What if this person was right? What if there was someone else out there named Mr. Older that was supposed to make me perfect and would then cause those angel clouds to part so I could live in Never Never Land?

It was a confusing time, for sure.

But through all of my fears, Mr. Lively stood by my side. Instead of feeling offended or angry or sad about what that person told me, he felt empathy for me because he knew that was a lot of pressure and expectation from someone who didn’t know us very well.

(Yeah, he might not be perfect, but sometimes he’s pretty darn close.)

Anyways, I say this all so that it hopefully helps someone out there. I’m not sure how, but I pray that this situation in my life is going to be used for good.

So now it’s time to come to the point: I had a lot of sorting out to do about the whole concept of “knowing.” And I have finally come to a spiritual a-ha moment which has brought me a tremendous amount of peace, joy, and even more love.

I have finally recognized that what I want more than anything is to be in a committed relationship that lasts a very, very long time. And in the past, I was approaching everything backwards.

Before, I used to think that I would find “Mr. Right” and that he would be so amazing that I would suddenly be a perfect girlfriend/partner that was ready for a more serious commitment. That by falling “in love” with someone was going to be so amazing that I would be ready for forever, amen, and “I do.”

But all that did was leave me feeling a bit empty inside. All of that expectation left me feeling like I binge ate icing rather than eating a satisfying piece of cake. It clouded all the things that were amazing about our relationship and left me scanning our life for holes, leaks, and cracks.

Ugh. You are lucky you weren’t in a relationship with me at the time.*

However, I’ve since made a discovery that has literally changed my life: I’ve finally fessed up to the fact that I really do want to be in a committed relationship. That comes first. I want to learn what that relationship will have to teach me about myself, what it will teach me about others, what it will teach me about love, and what it will teach me about having a family someday.

This also means that I have to be realistic in what a committed relationship means: unconditional, acceptance, joy, peace, mercy, forgiveness, and real love.

It doesn’t mean perfect and it doesn’t mean “Mr. Right.” 

Then, once I owned up to that fact and I accepted what that kind of relationship would be like (both good and bad), it was up to me to pick out who I wanted to be in a partnership like that.

And the obvious answer was Mr. Lively.

By allowing myself to put the spiritual side of the relationship before the humanity of myself and Mr. Lively, I stopped weighing myself down with a bunch of expectation and illusion. It allowed me to fully enjoy all the amazing traits and love we have to offer one another. It stops me from looking for flaws to indicate that we aren’t perfect.

It let’s me see all that is good without a veil of ugly selfish expectation.

So now, whether we are cuddling or arguing I have my priorities set.

It’s not about him “meeting my every whim and expectation” it’s about choosing to be together through whatever comes our way.

Though that might sound disheartening or sad, it’s actually been the most freeing and loving experience of my life.

* Except you, Mr. Lively! I love you.

Today I’d like to welcome the newest MML sponsors, Liz and Joe of Coach House Pictures. They are an adorable Chicago photography duo. I’ve actually worked with them myself on product shots for Jess LC recently, and I cannot say enough nice things about them.

Read below to find out more about themselves and their current Mother’s Day special good through the month of May!

Coach House Pictures

Hello! We are Liz and Joe behind the Chicago based photo studio Coach House Pictures. We are a photo boutique specializing in engagements, weddings, family, and kids portraits.

We live, play, and work from of our cozy Bucktown Coach House (<Apartment Therapy House Tour!) and simply put we love capturing moments in a lifestyle/editorial way.  We are based in Chicago with availability to travel. We love meeting new people and can’t wait to plan your next photo session!

Let’s connect!

Website: coachhousepictures.com

Blog: coachhousepictures.com/?page_id=211

Twitter: @LizandJoe

Facebook: facebook.com/CoachHousePictures

Once upon a time on MML there used to be a beloved series called DESIGN YOUR LIFE which allowed interviewees to share their intentions for their lives along with the specific, tangible ways they “designed their life” to make the intentions become reality.

After a while it became too much for me to run alongside the rest of my commitments, so I put in on hold. But I’m excited to announce that it will be back soon.

I also think it’s time that I updated my own interview from 2009.

A lot has changed in the last three years and it’s time to share my current intentions.

Since I would like to go in depth which each of my intentions, I will share only the first intention today and the rest throughout the week.

Enjoy!

Work in a balanced way.

As I take on more and more responsibility with Jess LC, MML, and BWI, I find myself more and more ferociously defending my time off and life balance. If I don’t, I begin to resent work very quickly.

So to keep a “normal” life as much as possible, I am learning that I need to do a few things to stay sane and highly effective at the same time.

First of all, I am learning how to delegate more than ever before. In Jess LC that means I have the amazing and wonderful Susie to make our jewelry orders and a new trio of Lauren, Kiley, (and soon-to-be) Caitlin to intern and manage the online shop. This frees me up to do the high level activities like finance, product development, and social media needed to keep the company growing and maintaining the brand’s DNA.

In MML that means that I am working towards allowing our amazing intern/managers also help with a few labor intensive, but not me-specific tasks. One of which will be to resurrect the DESIGN YOUR LIFE series.

And in BWI, I am working with Clara, my totally awesome, talented, and capable event planner to help execute our travelling workshops. Handing event specific details to her allows me to stay focused on content and making sure the participants are getting the best advice and information.

In addition to delegating, I’m also learning how to ‘hustle’ more during my workdays so that I can accomplish more from 9:30a to 6:00p. I make detailed weekly and daily to-do lists which keep me moving along and accomplishing all the major tasks. I also just work harder. I’m usually wiped by the end of the workday.

And to make sure that my off hours stay “off” I am now cutting Twitter, business Facebook, and email out of my nights and weekends. I’m doing pretty good so far. Right now I’m 98% free of them all and the more that I honor those boundaries, the more I enjoy work and feel more present in my home life.

However, all of this goes without saying that there are a few days where I work until 7:30 or 8. And on our workshops I work during the weekend. But those overtime hours are rare and encourage me to honor the regular off hours all the more.

Because after all, “off hours” aren’t really “off.” They are the times that I’m honoring my personal life. 

Tomorrow I’ll share what my intention to be in a committed relationship means to me.

Some wise words on clutter from lady Joyce M.

Over the weekend I thought about this new wave of truth that’s spreading online and I think there a few other personal boundaries that I’d like to smash.

Though I thought I shared most of my personal hang ups in my first Things I’m Afraid to Tell You post, there are other things that I’m also afraid to talk too much about for fear of judgement. I think on some level, I feel like if people really knew these other things that might not be “politically correct” some people will stop reading MML (or try to convince me to change).

These things don’t have any real bearing on my purpose: to help people design lives with intention. But I think I’m afraid that if people don’t agree 100% with my personal choices or beliefs that they will stop reading and think I’m a bad person.

However, since I personally encourage everyone to design to their own intentions for their own lives, I should feel comfortable sharing my intentions without being so scared of the condemnation I might face.

Okay, here it goes.

I eat meat.

Though I haven’t done anything to really hide this fact on MML, I do sometimes feel a pressure from reading blogs that I should be eating paleo, vegan, vegetarian, sans-carbs, you name it.

But the truth is that I am more “flexitarian” than anything. I love a good burger when going out with sweet potato fries, buffalo wings are great, and tofu is my go-to protein when I order thai. I don’t believe in diets for myself (not anymore), but I feel like there are a lot of “shoulds” out there in blog land (or in the media at large) that want to make me eat differently.

And though I could imagine myself becoming vegan or vegetarian in the future, at this moment, I am not.

I want to get our puppy from a breeder.

This is another thing I’ve been shamefully hiding because I think a lot of people have judgements about this choice. The truth is that I’ve actually been a volunteer at a local rescue myself, so I am definitely fully informed about the amazing-ness of rescues. And in the future, Mr. Lively and I do plan on rescuing dogs. However, for my first dog, I have had my heart on a Westie puppy since I graduated high school.

Having done my research, I know that the odds are extremely small of finding a Westie puppy in a rescue. So unless the Westie Rescue in our area happens to have one when we move, I will likely use a breeder to find our little guy or girl. As you can imagine, I’ve done everything possible to research the very best of the best breeders so I am sure not to support the horrible things that can go on in the industry. But overall, I think caring breeders are good people.

Phew. I’m glad I got that stuff off my chest.

I know you might be thinking, wait, that’s all you have to share? But to me, those things have been weighing on my heart. I’ve felt ashamed. And though I don’t have to mention them or make them a big deal, I think it’s important for transparency because they felt like a big deal to me.

If I want to make any impact on this blog world at all, I want to show that it’s okay for people to be themselves and not have to feel like they need to hide things out of fear.

And in order to do that, I need to walk the walk.

Thank you for reading.

Man. What a week.

After taking Monday afternoon off, things felt so much easier. And for the next few days Mr. Lively and I have very few plans or obligations.

Amen.

Thank you for reading MML this week and I hope you have a great weekend!

PS – I’d like to congratulate my brother Mike for graduating from Michigan State University tomorrow!

You guys, I really don’t know what to say.

As you may know, a month ago I wrote a post called Things I’m Afraid to Tell You which detailed all the things that I was… afraid to tell you. After pressing publish I immediately felt better and more relieved that I was no longer “hiding” these things from you out of fear.

Fear of what? Judgement and shame, I guess.

So as you can imagine, it was awesome to hear such kind feedback about the post and I didn’t think much more about it.

However, last week (the extremely kind) Ez, of Creature Comforts, browsed MML and stumbled upon the post and decided to make what I can only call a movement based upon it.

Crazy, right?

She single-handedly took what I wrote in that little post and used it to inspire dozens of bloggers to share the things that they are afraid to tell the online community.

So all day while I’ve been busy with meetings and appointments I’ve been seeing touching and honest stories flood the blogosphere at the encouragement of Ez.

It is extremely liberating to see all of these wonderful bloggers share their stories and truths.

And at the same time, it’s a little very overwhelming for me personally.

I didn’t write that post with the intention to do anything other than share my story with you, here on MML. But to see it do so much good in a larger context… that I can’t wrap my head around.

But I’m glad it did. And I could not be more thankful for what Ez has done for us as a community.

Participating bloggers organized by Ez of Creature Comforts:

Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day |The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade | Peck Life | Satsuma Press | Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted | The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade |Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress | Dando Photography Blog |Widdershins22 | Alison Citron | Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village |Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter |Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A & B Stories | Pretty Little Things

photo created by Creature Comforts

Some of you have met me before, and some of you haven’t.

And those that have gotten to know me in real life after reading MML might have had an expectation of what I would be like. And I’m guessing that “real life me” is not quite as constantly intentional as it may seem on MML. After all, here I’m all about sharing the highs and lows of life with an intentional spin and lesson. But while I’m going through those highs and lows, I may not get the intentional memo just yet.

Or, maybe when you met me I didn’t have anything super profound and inspiring to say.

Either way, I would like to share an “MML moment” I had with Mr. Lively a few weeks ago.

Though most people don’t know, Mr. Lively and I are extremely goofy around one another I am extremely goofy around Mr. Lively. While everyone in public laughs at Mr. Lively’s wit, in private, I’m the one with the quips, ridiculous expressions, and weirdness.

Anyways, one of my favorite things to do (read: torture) to Mr. Lively is tickle him. While I have very few ticklish spots, the only part of Mr. Lively’s body that isn’t ticklish is his feet. Go figure, right?

So though I honestly try to restrain myself from tickling him daily, a few weeks ago I was really tickling torturing him hard core. I was relentless.

And in getting fed up with my constant tickle attacks, he decided to wrestle me and pin my arms back so that I could not reach him or tickle him any longer. It was a fierce tickle battle. And I was losing precious ground.

But just before finally admitting defeat, I had a sudden burst of energy and made one last escape attempt and yelped:

“I’M OVERCOMING!!!!!” 

For a moment we both stopped in our tracks.

In the middle of what was a silly tickle fight I blurted out something so hardcore MML without even realizing it.

Ever since then, I use that phrase whenever I am losing in a tickle battle out of homage to my unconscious slip.

Has anyone else out there had an MML moment lately?

download the full-size white wallpaper

Since today is the first day of May, it’s time for a new free MML wallpaper.

The quote for this month is taken from A Course in Miracles. I discovered the phrase in Gabby Bernstein’s interview with Marie Forelo (which I found quite interesting).

This month I have a clear vision of what I’d like in my life, but I don’t have much control over anything beyond my own actions. So this quote is going to remind myself to act as if I’ve already manifested those things. Which will help me relax, let things flow, and enjoy all the moments in between now and then.

download the full-size tree wallpaper

And as usual, I whipped up a photo version of the wallpaper as well for those who like a little sumpin’ sumpin’.

Enjoy!

Yesterday I had every intention of having a full workday. Though my desire last week was to take two full days off after the workshop to relax and recover, there seemed to be too much to do with Jess LC to really let that happen.

So instead, I got up on Monday and tore myself out of bed and got to work.

But as the day went on, no matter how much caffeine I consumed, I could sense my body and mind were on a strike.

And after trying to battle through for five hours, I finally at 1:00 waved my white flag and surrendered to the couch. Though there was still plenty to get done, I knew that the time off wasn’t just a luxury I was giving myself, it was the permission to be human.

With more on my plate than ever before, I’ve powered through launching the workshops as a midnight hustler at times and also by working double time during my work hours. I’ve pushed myself to accomplish twice the amount of work over the past few months.

And once the workshop finally ended, I really did need a 48 hour break.

But I didn’t give myself that time off and my body and mind taught me how important it really was yesterday.

In fact, once I finally allowed myself to lay on the blessed couch for eight hours of sleeping and Tivo, I felt great about my decision.

In doing so, I accomplished two things: I honored my inner-goose and upheld the example I hope to “preach” here on MML.

You see, in a world where so many people (especially women entrepreneurs and bloggers) are working harder than ever and chasing ever more illusive feelings of meaning, beauty, perfection, and profit through work, we are blurring the lines of work/life balance more than ever before.

And though my life is decidedly meshed with my career in my choice to work from home, be my own boss, and collaborate with friends in business I truly want to be an example of someone who designs a life with intention that is not overrun with work.

I’m not quite looking to drop off the map four months at a time, but I’m also not looking to constantly be tied to work 24 hours a day either. Though I’ve just completed a season full of hustle, it was not a permanent lifestyle.

So while I continue to push myself to deliver more value and meaning in my career, I’m also “working” on not working overtime in equal proportion.

The truth is that if I did that for any extended period of time I’d have a mental breakdown, physical illness, or emotional meltdown. Which is decidedly not what I’d want to exemplify on MML or experience.

Because of all of these revelations, I am now preparing ahead of time to make Mondays after workshops a mandatory day off for myself. This will involve shuffling intern responsibilities, preparing an email away message, and the discipline to allow myself to relax after a hard weekend’s work.

As a business owner I write my policies. And I have just added a new one to the list.

First of all, I’d like to share my immense gratitude for the success of the Business with Intention Workshop this Saturday in Chicago. Going into the workshop I had an idea of what things would probably be most important and helpful. But I think I massively underestimated the power of the in-person connection these women business owners felt from meeting one another. The MML and BWI community is a group of like-minded individuals looking to make an intentional impact in the world, their personal lives, and in the lives and businesses of their new friends.

I have a feeling the Chicago workshop participants will be reaping the benefits of knowing and sharing with one another for years to come. Which makes me feel so humbled. Instead of feeling like  the “one in charge” of something like this, I now feel like a steward that is able to facilitate this wonderful connection and experience for these entrepreneurs.

And I’m honored to do so in Washington DC as well as the cities yet to come. Clara [the coolest person ever] and I will be announcing the new locations soon.

Okay, now it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Today I’d like to follow up my video where I explain the difference between career, purpose, and vocation with a little case study to also illustrate my points.

Above, are my new crushes, Sophia Grace (8) and Rosie (5).

After discovering their immense talent on The Ellen Show, I was struck at how they perfectly illustrate the fluid nature of career, purpose, and vocation.

From watching their singing and dancing it is clear that they have the opportunity to use their talents to make performance a career, purpose, or vocation, depending on their intention throughout their lives.

First of all, it’s obvious that they can probably make money by singing via ad revenue on their insanely popular You Tube videos, Ellen performances, or other events in the future. Or, they can choose to not monetize their popularity.

Secondly, it is clear that they are delighting and bringing joy to people that watch their videos. This is an example of how they are helping to make other people’s lives better in the present moment. Sure, they may not do this once they are 12, 26, or 58 years old. But at this moment, their performances are making people happy and fulfilling their life purpose.

In the future, they may decide to become doctors, receptionists, or fire fighters and help people in different ways. This is a great example that what we do now to help people, does not need to be what we do for the rest of our lives. It can change and evolve with our stages in life and intentions.

When we are actively focused on helping people wherever we find ourselves, that is living our ultimate purpose.

Or finally, Sophia Grace and Rosie might grow up and find that they would like to dedicate their lives to singing and dancing. They may find that this unique talent is deeply fulfilling to them and they want to continue to preform as a vocation. Again, as I mentioned before, they can choose to to make this a vocation without necessarily making this their career. They could choose to be an engineer and build bridges (career/purpose) and sing for free (purpose/vocation). On the other hand, they could sing for money and craft a career/purpose/vocation out of their gifts.

It’s all up to them and no choice is “better” than another. Vocation is not something that is really any more “special” than purpose since they both involve what is truly most important: helping other people in the present moment.

This week started hectic and stressful. Juggling Jess LC, MML, and BWI Workshops and consulting is a lot. So those normal hiccups that arise in any business, let alone three businesses, were getting me flustered pretty easily.

But surprisingly the last two days have been calm and I feel like going into tomorrow I’m much more mellow and relaxed than I ever thought possible.

Sure, I “planned” to have more done by now. But really, the few things that are left to do are no big deal.

My do it well and get it done mantra seems to have worked (amen!).

As you probably know by now, Clara and I have our very first Business with Intention Workshop in Chicago tomorrow. I cannot wait to see all of our plans and intentions come to life. And more importantly, I’m thrilled to be helping the business owners in the workshop get more inspired, clear, and strategic about their companies (or business ideas) than ever before.

After this, we have DC (there is still time to register) and then two more cities which we will announce in the next week or so.

Have a great weekend and thank you so much for reading MML!

To best describe the difference between career, purpose, and vocation, I decided to talk with you in hopes that it will make more sense verbally.

In the wake of my confession about my struggle with my relationship perfectionism, my gut tells me that there may be more people who struggle with this type of perfectionism in their career and purpose categories.

So today, I’d like to get a little feisty and share what I really think about career and purpose over-idealism.*

To be honest, more and more I notice comments, worries, and clouds of anxiety surrounding people and their “career” or “purpose.” Especially among Gen Y and Gen Z.

I think the idea we were all taught about “making a difference” in our childhoods has cast this shadow of expectation that we should all be rescuing the planet, curing cancer, and making hundreds of thousands of dollars while working a 9 to 5 job – from a sail boat in our pajamas.

And the truth is that all of those things are possible, and will happen for some people.

But the fact is that most people will not be doing those things. And that’s a good thing.

The world would not be quite as nice if we didn’t have people to do our taxes, send us Netflix, cut our hair, or cook our organic grass fed burgers on a pretzel bun.**

Yet it seems so many people are sitting in their cubicles stressing out over the utter “meaninglessness” of their jobs.

And I honestly want to say that I think that those people should deeply consider whether their current situation actually does have the potential to become part of their purpose if they dug in, changed their perception, and had a more proactive outlook.

I love you, so please let me explain.

Purpose is not a string of fuzzy warm feelings that naturally burst forth at every moment. The purpose equation explains that it doesn’t really matter what the heck you are doing. As long as you are using whatever you are doing to better the day of someone else, then that is purpose in action.

So even if the job itself isn’t pulling samples for Vogue, saving orphans, or raking in fat checks, it can still be done with excellence, problem solving (aka creativity), and love.

Almost all jobs involve working and interacting with peers or customers. Those interactions are where you have the unlimited potential to step it up and become someone that really does make other people more joyful during the workday.

Take my label guy, Todd, for example. I have only spoken on the phone with Todd a handful of times over the past two years. But I always look forward to calling him for more labels. He’s friendly, happy, prompt, honest, and just plain fun to work with. Of the dozens of suppliers I have to pay, I actually look forward to giving him money.

He’s a label maker with a sh*t load of purpose.

Further, any transaction ultimately fills a need. So there can be a bigger goal to look towards for inspiration or meaning.

On the other hand, if that is simply impossible to find or the environment is unhealthy, there is always the option of leaving the place and going in a new direction.

Either way, we are not helpless beings in search of meaning and purpose. We are powerful. So powerful, we have the capability to transform our current moment into purpose if we put our minds to it.

We just gotta lose the cooky sense that we need to be doing something that we find fulfilling.

Fulfilling is in this very moment if we choose to honor it completely.

* Yep, I just made that term up, but I think it fits.

** And a million other careers. But you get my point.

While on the phone last night with my good friend Emily, I found myself repeating a few times “it’s good and real” in connection to my relationship with Mr. Lively.

As I noticed myself saying it, I connected a few dots and had a little a-ha moment.

To be honest, coming into our relationship, I was determined to make/have the “right” relationship with him. One that is perfectly intentional, is a perfect inspiration to others, and fulfills me in every way imaginable.

(This is back during the time when I had blond highlights too.)

As you can imagine, those high impossible expectations left me constantly worried and stressed during all the moments that the relationship didn’t feel “right” in the ways I described above.

I wanted to not only be a better person because of him, I wanted to be a perfect-ish person because of him.

I wanted to feel like running marathons again, making a million dollars, jumping out of bed every morning, and simply being in awe that “he would choose me?!?!”

Instead, I often felt like: running when I felt like it, growing my business organically and intentionally, and getting out of bed sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. And I was pretty clear on why he chose me.

I’m intentional, goofy, and I shower him with affection and attention.

(I’m also an anxious over-thinker [see blond highlights].)

Anyways, I have been unpacking this whole concept of “right” and have finally learned how to allow things to be great and flawed in our relationship simultaneously.

We have a lot of great things going for us as individuals and as a couple. But there are still things we both need to work on and things we need to accept about one another.

To many people, I’m sure this isn’t rocket science. You may be nodding and thinking, “duh, Jess, get with the program.”

And you’re right, I did know all along deep down in my spirit that this is the case, but my ego would not allow for those cracks, flaws, or imperfections to exist without the nagging feelings of doubt and fear.

It was a wrestle-mania smack down between my spirit and my ego, and thankfully my spirit won (again).

And this good and real concept also applies to our bodies, our careers, our purpose, our home, our business, our friendships, our parents, our kids, our hamster, and any other thing that exists.

So when our ego urges us to wage a war against something in our lives, perhaps we need to check in and see if we need to allow the duality of idealism and reality to exist.

Peacefully. With acceptance.

Then the joy can seep back in.

Last week I had two fantastic consulting calls. One of which, is a great example of how thinking small can lead to huge leaps forward in creativity, uniqueness, and purpose.

On Friday, I worked with Flavia, a food blogger with a site called, Flavia’s Flavors. Below, she shares how our consultation helped her narrow in and think “smaller” than the food blogging community at large, to reveal her true purpose and much smaller niche of Italian food blogging. I’m so excited to see her take her blog in this new direction and thank her for what has become, an incredibly kind testimonial along the way.

It was a joy to work with her and I’m so thankful I got to help her find her true purpose with food blogging.

Overall, the takeaway here is to really think smaller in terms of your industry and your place in it in order to reach a greater audience and have a deeper impact.

Click to read the full story over on Business with Intention.

(And in other news… there are just two days left to sign up for the Chicago Business with Intention workshop.)

Ever since last week when Mr. Lively and I found our next apartment, I’ve been thinking about the importance of “no’s” in life.

While I would love to think that all of my wishes, dreams, and intentions will come true exactly as I expect and wish them to be, much of my life has been shaped by the rejections, denials, or no’s that I’ve gotten.

But when I inspect those events further, there are some important no’s that have fundamentally shifted my life for the better.

Had those fateful no’s not happened, I wouldn’t have many of the blessings I have today.

Here are just a few of the meaningful no’s that I’ve received and the happy outcomes that have since surfaced.

When I was in high school, I wanted to go to Notre Dame. Badly. But my dad, being pragmatic, looked up the rankings of business schools and found my in-state University of Michigan undergrad to be ranked higher than ND at the time. And thus refused to pay for the ND application fee. Since he knew that the extremely expensive out of state tuition would have been out of our family’s reach, I would have been putting undue stress on the family or taking out major student loans for an education that was totally on par with in-state Michigan Business School price tag.

Had I gotten into ND and not had a very huge scholarship (unlikely), I would have been weighed down with significant student loans that would have prevented me from taking my own business full-time right after graduation. I would have likely settled for a corporate job and perhaps never had the courage or financial freedom to be where I am today.

When I was in college, I interviewed for one full-time position after graduation and didn’t get it. The interviewer attempted to guess who I was in the lobby based on the fact that I noted on my resume that I was coxswain on the men’s crew team my freshman year. He suspected that I was a thinner girl in the room, since coxswains’ weight is important in rowing.

Once I said he was wrong, and that I was the one who had once been a coxswain, he remarked “I can see why you aren’t on the team anymore,” pointing out the fact that I was at that point about 22 pounds heavier than my freshman year. After that remark, I had to shake his hand, smile, and walk into an interview. Had I gotten that job, he would have been my boss.

I was badly burned from that offhand remark and was determined not to work for the company. Weeks later, I realized that I was better off working for myself while trying to fulfill my purpose. Which of course, has led me to where I am today.

In 2009 I had sales reps for Jess LC that opened 80 accounts for us. At the time, 80% of my business was wholesale. But to be honest, working with them was extremely frustrating and I had to rely on them for most of my company’s growth.

So as they eventually went off in a new direction and opened their own fashion line, I refused to let the dying relationship and sales channel keep me feeling helpless. I beared the sales dip that followed and refused to replace them with another company and relied on my own wits and sales channels to carry us over.

At the same time, I also started MML and devoted my energy towards online marketing and selling. Since then, I’ve been more in control and personally fulfilled by Jess LC than I ever would have had I continued working through showrooms or reps.

A few years ago I moved in with my boyfriend (at the time). Pretty soon after our move, it became clear that we were not meant to follow the path towards marriage. But we still had six months on our shared lease. Unable to afford the cost of breaking the lease, we stuck it out.

Then, almost exactly two months after the lease did end, I met Mr. Lively. An immediate and intense friendship soon turned into an intense relationship.

I cannot be more grateful for the way things have turned out and I am so excited about the future that lies ahead.

A few weeks ago I was looking for someone to sublet my apartment so I could move in with Mr. Lively when his lease ends in July. But despite a lot of interest, it wasn’t working out.

Then last week we discovered our next apartment which had almost everything we were looking for and more. However, the catch was that renovation would not be complete until September or October. Which actually worked out perfectly with my lease. Had we subleased my home earlier, this amazing situation would not have been possible.

So, when we find something isn’t working out as we hoped, we can remember that there might just be something awesome around the corner.

And in order to get to there, we might need to bump into a few no’s along the way.

Confession: the last two nights I have woken up at 3:00 or 5:00 am worried and stressed out. I toss and turn for a few hours, start feeling anxious, and wake up in the morning only to try to shake off the yucky feelings and begin the day tired.

And for a while I was suspecting “something must not be right in my life.”

But after thinking it over a bit more, I think I might be experiencing an Upper Limit problem.

You see, over the past few days, weeks, and months, things have been going really well.

Like whoa, that just happened?!?! Well.

Mr. Lively and I are doing great and looking forward to the steps ahead of us. After the announcement of the BwI Workshops, Jess LC has hit a new level and my consulting clients are doing great. Our upcoming Jess LC product launch is going smoothly and looks adorable. I’m pushing myself to new levels with the workshop and feeling more “on purpose” than ever with MML. Heck, I even lost weight and am now three tiny pounds away from my goal weight while not trying (I had craft beers, half a burger and fries last night!).

Sure, there have been some setbacks along the way, but not nearly as great as the progress forward.

Then came this week and our apartment hunt.

On a whim, I contacted a building Mr. Lively liked, which then led me to an amazing and helpful lady, Alexis. She gave me the scoop about the apartment building as well as an even nicer one in their community just down the street from me.

Then, she went on to say that next door to the super nice building, they are now completely renovating a three story walk up from start to finish. And that the units were open for leasing, though they wouldn’t be ready until the fall.

At first this renovated building seemed untimely because we were looking to move when Mr. Lively’s lease was up in July. But since my apartment hadn’t been subletted yet and we hadn’t found a breeder for our future Westie puppy yet, we are able to stay put in my apartment until the new building is ready.

And not only was this new building going to be new, it was going to have almost everything we wanted on our wish list (private balcony, large kitchen, gas stove, in unit washer/dryer, space for Jess LC, and central air). You freaking name it, it seems to be in this unit.

Except for square footage.

There we were a bit wary on whether we could make it work. The unit we were looking at in our price range is 890 square feet. Which is a bit larger than my 725 square foot apartment now, but may not grow with us, Jess LC, and a new puppy very well.

However, yesterday when we went to get more information and give Mr. Lively the tour of the big fancy apartment building next door (we are allowed to access to their insanely nice amenities while living in the new building next door), we found out something new.

Instead of our proposed rent being for the unit you see above on the left, it is actually for the one on the right.

Holy crapballs.

1250 square feet of awesomeness for us to live in at less than what we each are paying combined right now. 

Insane. Simply insane.

As you can imagine, like many people, my home is one of the most important things to me outside of friends, family, and meaning. I live and work in my home often for what seems like every moment of the week. And I love that fact.

So to get a place that seems like a palace, have an amazing and sweet boyfriend, growing my business and purpose to new heights, and have lost weight without even trying, I don’t think I’m able to accept that it’s happening.

Instead, I’ve been waking up and worrying about stupid, tiny things like “is the apartment living room 15′ wide or just 12′ or 13′ wide?” “Why don’t I feel like Mr. Lively ‘completes’ me?” “What if this apartment deal somehow doesn’t turn out?”

Even writing it out, I can sense the ridiculousness of it all. Yet the pit in my stomach remains.

So this morning I looked up a post I remembered reading a while back by Marie Forleo which talks about her own Upper Limit problem and how she experienced similar discomfort during a time of prosperity.

Immediately after re-reading the post, I started to relax a bit.

I honestly think I’m having trouble accepting that all of this good stuff has happened to me.

I’m more used to struggling, pushing, striving, and falling just short of what I want. I’m used to sacrificing and stressing over money, my body, my relationship.

And I think I need to work on accepting that I might be in a new phase of my life which is different from my past.

Though I know there will always be challenges on my journey, I may have reached some new level of success I’m not yet comfortable with.

And that is okay. I can take things one moment at a time and push through this Upper Limit problem. I can learn to accept and bask in the gratitude that I wish to have for it all. Rather than making up things to feel stressed about just so I feel more “comfortable.”

I never thought I’d feel stressed with such blessings, but I think it’s good to be open about this in case it helps anyone else who feels this way too.

This week has been filled with Jess LC, BwI Workshop, Biz in the City, and… finding our new home!

Due to a string of extremely fortunate (though unlikely) events, we have landed on what seems to be our perfect new apartment home. In order to have this wonderful unit, we are going to have to wait until it is completed in September/October. Which means we’ll be sticking out my lease in my current building. This also delays our next addition… a puppy, until the fall as well.

Because of this wait, patience is going to be a theme for me throughout this summer. I might need to have my own Be Present reminder staring me in the face to chill out.

Over the weekend I plan to do more work for next week’s Chicago workshop and relax like crazy on Sunday. To be honest, with all the hustling I do during the week, I’ve been finding that I need one day to pretty much do absolutely nothing in order to recover.

I’m talking like eight hours of Arrested Development lazy.

Thanks so much for reading MML and have a great weekend!

Lately my days are getting more and more focused on the upcoming Chicago Business with Intention Workshop. Our supplies are all rolling in and looking quite lovely. I can’t wait to see the whole thing come together.

Registration for the Chicago workshop ends on April 25th, and there are still a few spots left.

If you are interested in Chicago or the upcoming May Washington DC event, please email me at hello(at)businesswithintention.com. I’d be happy to jump on a quick call to answer your questions to help figure out if the workshop is a good fit for you.

After yesterday’s Purpose Equation, I feel like I’m sensing more people are starting to “get” the whole concept of life purpose in a much more realistic and true way.

It’s exciting.

I feel like we as a community are going to make great progress once this is understood!

And there is going to be a whole lot less stress and frustration for those who are still in the process of discovering their purpose.

Which, will lead to more happiness, joy, and peace.

I love it.

Okay, to explain the Purpose Equation even further, I’m first going to do a quick recap. Here is the simple equation for purpose:

It’s really that simple.

In fact, it gets even simpler, really.

Anything that you are doing right now, whether it’s a talent or not, that helps people is part of your purpose.

Think about it: we all say that we “want to leave a mark” on the world during our lifetime. To do so, all that really means is that we want to leave the world better off than before we were alive.

We don’t want to just take up space, we want to invest and give back.

And to get inspired, we look at the famous people who have given back in astronomical ways. We look at Gandhi, Oprah, Buddha, Jesus, Bill Gates, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr, or Danielle LaPorte.

So, we try to be kinda like them. Famous, making a big impact.

However, when you think about who has made the biggest impact in your personal life, did any of those people directly help you in any way? Sure, they may have helped us slant-wise. But the people who make the biggest positive impact in our lives are usually:

Our parents, extended family, significant others, friends, teachers, doctors, neighbors, and online friends (I had to throw that in there too!).

These people are the ones that make us smile, pat our backs when we get bad news, cheer us on, and help us make our dreams come true.

When I die, we won’t be thinking of thanking Mother Theresa for what she did for me. I will be thanking my mom for spending most of her life dedicated to raising myself and my two brothers.

So this isn’t a knock on the scale of your purpose dreams, just a reality check that fame and recognition does not the only way to make a deep and lasting effect on the world.

Helping people we come into contact with, on any scale, is the true meaning that we seek. 

So, that means… whatever the heck you are doing in this moment is an opportunity to find purpose and meaning.

You may not be in your dream job, but purpose is not about having a “job” or “career.” So whatever you spend your time doing, is a chance to bring purpose to the table by helping those around you.

Here are a few examples of how purpose can play out in our current situations:

So basically anything done with love and concern for others is in some way, our purpose.

And, if you find that whatever you are doing now doesn’t feel like “enough,” find a way to help out a new group of people who need your talents or current profession even more.

If you are a fashion blogger, for example, consider helping out with Dress for Success or some other program that helps women look their best who need new jobs.

If you are an accountant who is not allowed to help others with accounting based on job restrictions, consider tutoring an under-served  high school student in math.

If you are a mother raising three kids, that seems like a lot already. But, you could also volunteer at their school or give advice to new moms.

If you are a college student, there a million programs and non-profit opportunities to help out in meaningful ways on most campuses. Go get busy doing something that you love which helps others.

But above all, please, please, please, never say you don’t know your purpose again.

Your purpose is always to help others in whatever way you can in this present moment.

Over and over I’m finding myself getting feisty about the confusion and stress surrounding the idea of purpose.

Really, it can all be boiled down to this equation.

Your talents and how you help people can change through the years.

But the outcome will always be the same.

A few people have mentioned over email or Twitter that they spotted my recent feature in the May issue of Woman’s Day Magazine.

And thanks to Michelle, I now have a copy  of it myself!

On page 66 you’ll see this mug staring back at you. Don’t worry, I had hair and makeup for this shoot. So that ain’t the way my hair looks when I wake up.

What can I say? Just keepin’ it real.

Anyways, I’m honored to be asked by WD to share how I organize and decorate with my accessories. It was quite a fun day of shooting and it was fun to share my easy (and cheap) decorating tricks.

Luckily, the feature is also on Woman’s Day online as well. So feel free to hop over and see my tips for storing and showing off accessories.