download the full-size flower wallpaper

Now that we are in a new month it’s time for a new MML free wallpaper! The quote, “Life is not testing you. She is rooting for you.” is from the amazing Danielle LaPorte.

Since last month’s “fancy” wallpaper was so popular, I decided to try a new photo from my trip to Longwood Gardens over the holidays.

But of course, I also made the simple version as well.

download the full-size white wallpaper

Don’t worry, the text is smaller in relation to the white space on the full-size image above. I just made it bigger in relation to this image so you could see text a bit better.

Enjoy!

]]> http://makeundermylife.com/februarys-free-wallpaper/feed/ 3 http://makeundermylife.com/getting-back-on-the-path/ http://makeundermylife.com/getting-back-on-the-path/#comments Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:44:27 +0000 Jess http://makeundermylife.com/?p=14207

One misconception about knowing one’s purpose is that if you know what it is, you must never falter, wonder, wander, or feel downright lost.

That is so not true. In fact, it happened to me this month.

Though I have a innate sense of my purpose: helping people live lives with intention, love, and purpose, I don’t always know what I am supposed to do in my career.

(You see, career and purpose are separate.)

Sure, I make sure that I help people in my personal life and here on MML, but what comes after that? What about making a living for myself? What about the rest of my career life? Where should I direct Jess LC? What do I want to spend my time doing?

Over the past two years I’ve had a vision in my mind of my ideal workday and I’ve devoted my actions to making it happen. But lately that vision isn’t striking home as much. It doesn’t fit anymore. It doesn’t excite me.

I was purpose-filled, but feeling direction-less.

I frankly had no real vision for what I wanted my days to look like, and that caused me to stay in a holding pattern which allowed fear to creep in. You see, when the vision isn’t very clear, the fears and doubts of the ego have the opportunity to pounce. You cannot have faith in nothing. The something you want to create and believe in will help you soothe the fears and worries. When you have a vision that feels true, your spirit can help you handle the ego’s crappy thoughts and anxiety.

So yesterday, I decided to reconfigure my vision for my career.

How did I do it?

I sat down away from my desk and thought about what I really wanted to spend my time doing Monday through Friday from nine to six. I didn’t think automatically about money, I thought about the things I wanted to do.

By thinking about what my ideal day would look like later this year, and then writing it down on paper, I was able to flesh out a general vision for what my weeks, months, and projects would become. I started to get a feeling of peace, happiness, and joy from the ideal day I planned in my head.

And of course it goes without saying that that ideal vision may take months or years to achieve. Heck, I may never actually achieve the vision to perfection. But that doesn’t stop me from striving for it in an intentional and meaningful way.

After I wrote out the vision for my career, I then backed up and looked at how I can make it a reality. The steps that I would need to take to make that vision come true are now my new short and long-term tasks. The ways I could monetize the actions I take came into play as well.

And now I know where I want to grow.

… Until I find myself uninspired by this career intention and it is time for me to craft a new vision.

We are meant to evolve as people, and our purpose and career are no different.

The best thing to do with a blog is share the most useful thing you have. And sometimes that useful thing doesn’t always come from yourself.

This afternoon, the best thing I can do is share a wonderful insight from Haley of Tiny Twig, called 100 Golden No’s. I don’t want to give her idea away, so please go read it. It’s very special.

And I have Hope, an MML reader, to thank for the recommendation. Thank you, Hope!

I hope you had a great weekend! I spent my days off relaxing with Mr. Lively and watching Downton Abbey. We are hooked on the drama, intrigue, and dialogue. I can’t be sure, but I think I had a dream that I was part of Downton Abbey myself last night.

Right now I’m headed out the door to check on the iPad 2 case production (still estimating Feb. 1-10th for them to be ready at this point), but I wanted to share something that I think could help myself and hopefully others as well.

The week ahead is full of promise, opportunity, and a chance to fulfill our intentions. So just like in yoga class, I want to set an intention for that I can return back to each day this week and make sure that while I might not do everything perfectly, I might improve in this particular area.

This week I’d like to set an intention to be extra friendly. Though I’m by no means unfriendly, this week I want to be extra kind, interested, alert, and present to friends and strangers.

Do you have an intention for the week? I’d love to hear what it is in the comments, if you like!

This is a guest post by Amber from Blonde & Balanced, a blog about striking a balance in life, health, and money.

7 Ways to Love Intentionally

This June, I wore a fitted, white, satin gown as I walked down the center aisle of my church to marry my then-boyfriend of 4 years.  We met almost 6 years ago when we were hired within weeks of each other at the same accounting company.  (Insert joke here about how we bonded over bean counting!)

In a society where divorce is the norm, my now-husband and I have strived to go against the norm and design our relationship with our own intentions.  We’ve worked hard to not allow outside factors to influence our relationship.  We bring out the best in each other and foster each other’s strengths.  But, it takes intentional work to maintain this kind of relationship.

Here are 7 intentional relationship “rules” we follow to keep our bond strong and exciting:

1. Keep Secrets.  People are nosey curious.  They’ll wonder why you make the decisions that you do and what your relationship is like behind closed doors.  Keep them wondering by ignoring them.  Your relationship is sacred and special (as corny as it sounds, you have to believe this for it to grow and strengthen), so don’t blab to others about the secrets that lie within.
2. Have Two Games.  An older and wiser – and very happy – couple once told my husband and I that every happy couple has to play two games together regularly: a board game and an outdoor game.  Too often, you can become like strangers passing in the night with your spouse or significant other, so this allows you to set aside intentional time to grow together as a couple.  My husband and I are already fierce ping-pong players, but we’re working on the board game.  Maybe Words With Friends counts?
3. Be Spiritual Together.  You don’t have to be religious or even believe in the same thing.  But, if you regularly practice some sort of faith or spiritual practice together, it will bring you closer than you ever thought you could be.  Discussing your thoughts about the bigger picture is very intimate and enlightening.
4. Let’s Get Physical, Physical!  No explanation necessary.  This is definitely an important component of a strong relationship.  And if there doesn’t seem to be time for it …  make intentional plans for it!
5. Be Mindful of Health.  Health is a very intimate and sensitive subject, so working together to better one another’s health will bring you closer.  Work out together.  Go on nightly walks.  Play tennis.  Learn to cook a healthy meal together.  Buy a juicer and create some fancy juice recipes.  Apply sunscreen on each other … you get the picture!
6. Haters Gonna Hate.  There will always be people that want to bring your relationship down.  People hate change and, unfortunately, hate seeing others happy (especially when they are unhappy themselves).  Make it a point to not allow outside factors to influence your relationship.  You both deserve better.
7. Manners!  With your significant other, it’s easy to let manners go out the door as soon as you get comfortable.  Set the ground rules early on by not calling each other names, not bringing each other down, not criticizing, and being respectful.  It’s hard to do, but there is no doubt that it creates an underlying respect for your significant other that is super important to a lasting relationship.

Love is probably the most significant aspect of our lives, so it only makes sense to approach our relationships intentionally – just like with everything else in our lives!

- Amber

Three years ago today, I started MML.

January 19th, 2009.

It’s hard to really wrap my head around. When I started the blog (back on Blogger) I had no intention of anyone ever reading what I wrote. I was using it as a way to create a book proposal called Makeunder Your Life and was about exfoliating stuff in the home.

But then three days after starting the blog, Anne of The City Sage commented on a post.

I was dumbfounded.

I mean, I was just sitting in my own corner of the blog world writing a blog for a book proposal and Anne, someone I looked up to and admired, commented on what I had to say!?!?

After wiping the tears of joy from my face, I had a massive realization:

I was trying to help people simplify their lives, and I didn’t need a book proposal to do it.

I just needed a blog.

From that moment on I spent hours upon hours reading about blogging, learning how to make my blog better, and focusing on making better posts and photos.

I also reached out to bloggers who were just starting out, like myself. I became friends with people near and far. Eventually I started having wine dates with a few of my close blog friends like Crystal, Alaina, and Danielle. I went to blogger meet ups every now and then.

And more than anything, I spent a lot of time blogging and talking with bloggers and readers online.

At times, half my day would revolve around crafting a post, editing photos, answering blog emails, reading blogs, commenting, Tweeting, and preparing my content for the next day.

I was on cloud nine.

I went from wanting to help people design lives with intention to actually doing it.

Of course it goes without saying that because I worked for myself and started focusing on selling online more than via wholesale. Which gave me ample room in my day to juggle Jess LC and MML. After all, I designed my life with the intention of letting my day job (Jess LC) fuel my purpose, helping people design lives with intention.

Though I didn’t have much money (I moved to Chicago in 2007 with $750 in savings) and my company was very young, I was over the moon excited to be suddenly making an impact far sooner than I had ever hoped.

For a while, I was obsessed over blog traffic and watched as the numbers grew – sometimes quickly and sometimes painstakingly slowly. Now, I just go back to the numbers when advertisers ask for those stats. My focus these days is on making an impact, not looking at graphs.

Eventually, I outgrew my Blogger layout, and upgraded to WordPress.org. Though I love the layout and functionality that I have, I know that it wasn’t essential to my blog’s success given the amazing new Blogger designers out there like Danielle.

As the years pass, I watch my friends do amazing things with their blogs. Crystal and Anne launched Rue, Alaina and Danielle are releasing The Every Girl next month, Kendi is taking over the world (I kid), Liz is launching her wardrobe consulting, and Cathy is gaining momentum. I’ve also noticed in 2012 that many bloggers have stepped up their game and are producing incredible content that blows me away.

And though it’s easy to look at these amazing women and think that they have it all together and “know what they are doing” – I can assure you from my own life and knowledge of my friends struggles, no one really knows what they are doing. At least not when they start out. Blogging itself is a new field and the people doing it don’t have much precedent or mentorship.

Each one of those people took risks, devoted insane hours to their sites, and never stopped trying to make their content better. So though luck in all areas of life can help, it does not sustain success in blogging. Content does.

Which brings me to today. Though I’m three years into this journey, I am still just as devoted to refining my content as I was when I began. I want to continue to fulfill my purpose in deeper ways.

And while I may not be sure what the future holds for MML, Jess LC, or myself, I know that regardless of what else happens each Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, as long as I’ve tried to help people design a life with intention here on MML, I did something good.

So thank you for reading and making my dreams come true.

To follow up on my intention to create more positive focus points in my life, I have found two ways so far I’m making my work and money thoughts… lovelier.

My first step is to make a more defined line between work and life. Last year I was shocked to realize I was working 119 hours a week. Immediately after that revelation I instituted a new life intention for myself: no email on nights or weekends. From that point on I was really good about putting a ban on my inbox off hours.

Until the holiday season.

Because Jess LC is such a gift driven company, I decided to relax on my email ban to make sure I dealt with as much as possible before leaving for the holidays.

But I haven’t been back in the email restricted saddle as much as I’d like in 2012. Which has left me thinking dwelling on work most hours of the day. So I’m getting back on the horse and asking you to come with me.

If you would like to join the Email Intervention for January – please comment on this post and share it with friends or co-workers. I explain the pledge in more detail in this post. Those that comment here will get four little emails from me throughout the pledge period which is January 23rd – February 3rd. But of course, I’ll be beginning my ban on email on evenings and weekends starting today at 5pm (feel free to join me today!).

I am unspeakably affluent –
rich with ideas, with resources, with love.

There’s so little I need to consume —
and infinite ways to contribute.

These mantras stopped me in my blog-reading tracks this afternoon on Alexandra Franzen’s recent post (discovered via Michelle yesterday). They are great ways for me to refocus when the costs for incorporating Jess LC, paying my last two quarters of 2011 tax estimates, and ordering new materials weighs me down.

So here’s to a relaxing, email free, positively focused weekend!

download full-size image

I am sorry that this January’s wallpaper is coming two weeks into the month, but better late than never, right? To make it just a bit sweeter, I made two options this time. The first is more traditional MML wallpaper style, and the second, is a more artistic one using a faded photo I took of New York’s Grand Central Terminal’s ceiling when I was in New York City over the holidays.

download full-size image

If you like them, feel free to download the full size white and green wallpaper or the Grand Central wallpaper. It’s my little intentional treat for you.

The quote itself comes from an MML reader on the MML FB wall from a few weeks ago. Thanks, Lisa V. for the quote and inspiration!

When she shared a Thoreau quote I knew it was the one for January. I’ve had a special relationship with my second History boyfriend (my first History BF is Benjamin Franklin), Henry David, since high school. Thoreau was actually my quote in my high school graduation book: “Once I forgot all I learned, then I began to know.”

This post has been swirling in my head since I made my intentions and wrote my 2012 Future Letter.

What I didn’t expect was to be in such dire need of this advice myself at this very moment.

You see, I digest a lot of spiritual, self-help(ish), business, and intention material. About 40% of the books, tv shows, podcasts, and blogs I consume focus on these themes. It’s a personal passion that has been a part of me my whole life and serves my purpose pretty well, too.

Some passionate accountants have been tracking expenses since they were a kid. Where as I was nicknamed Inner Peace on my seventh grade basketball team and my AIM screen name in high school was InnerPeace40. Yeah, I was that cool.

But back to the point: in all of the messages I have absorbed, one theme has been bubbling to the surface lately: we have the power to choose what we think and say, which will impact how we will eventually feel.

The opposite of this would be to think and believe whatever silly, mindless, hurtful, or fearful thing pops in our head and believe it as fact. I personally don’t regulate my thoughts that much, and therefore have more of these negative thoughts than I’d like.

And I want to change that.

To make this metal shift, I have realized that I am going to need to start observing my thoughts more carefully and find out where my attention lies. Just like in yoga class, I want to start noticing my thoughts at my desk, in my bed, on the bus, and while blow drying my hair.

Naturally, I fluctuate between positive moods and negative ones. And there is a symbiotic relationship between the mood I’m feeling and the thoughts I’m having. Both fuel one another.

So by changing what I’m thinking about, I’m hoping that I can over time influence my mood and reactions to things that happen day to day.

However, the first thing that comes to mind is affirmations. Then I immediately think of hippy dippy crystals, meditation chant circles, and Vegan ice cream sundaes.

Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but despite my new-age childhood nickname, I don’t relate to them naturally. Though spiritual, I don’t balance my chakras and therefore, I associate affirmations with things that don’t feel like me.

So to change that, I chose to look at the same habit in a different way. I “re-branded,” if you will, the idea of affirmations and came up with a term that sits with me a bit better: focus points.

Since we naturally always have a focus point, whether it’s chosen or not, we can stop and identify what we are centering on. And then we can choose to shift the focus to a more positive one, if needed.

For myself personally, I’m hoping to shift my focus point when I’m feeling stressed out or thinking about work after hours, to more positive beliefs about the situation or more presence.

I also have a theory that I’m excited to test out: I think I have the ability to get much more enjoyment out of fun things like hanging out with friends or Mr. Lively if I just take a moment to reflect on the fun I’m having and the moment that I’m experiencing.

Too often I don’t let really cool experiences sink in. I can be distracted by a negative focus point in a totally different area of my life that is completely separate from the present, fun, moment. By reflecting, even in the good times, on my focus point, I think I’ll enjoy life more.

One of my 2012 intentions is to start a Miracle Book (inspired by Joyce Meyer). When starting a business (or taking on any new risk), there is a ton of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. There are always doubts about what can be accomplished or if ends will meet. But in my four years of full-time business, I have not once found a time where things didn’t pull through – even if it was at the very last second. 

But no matter how many wins, twists of fate, or miracles happen in my business, I inevitably reach a new obstacle that seems insurmountable.

So my new intention is to write down each of the miracles that happen in my business (or life) that at one point seemed improbable. Then, when I have a new Goliath to face, I can pull out my trusty Miracle Book and remind myself that I have had many challenges in the past which ended in positive outcomes.

I look forward to re-reading this book years from now. I can’t wait to see all the impossible stuff that will come true.

Okay ladies and gentleman, the time for Future Letters to Ourselves has arrived! Though you can see a full explanation of the Future Letter concept here, I will quickly do a recap of the exercise.

Back in 2006, I was in a not-so-great place in my life and found a dusty copy of (wait for it…) The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Though I’ve mentioned this book 1,027 times here on MML it bears repeating. The teen version of the book suggested writing a letter to oneself from the vantage point of one year into future. So I decided on January 1st, 2006 to try out the exercise. I outlined what I wanted to do, be like, and even look like on January 1st, 2007. The important part of the exercise was that I wrote the letter from the 2007 version of myself as if I had already accomplished my 2006 goals. Writing my goals in past-tense was strange at first. In fact, I honestly didn’t think I was even capable of doing most of the things in the letter.

Fast forward to 2007 – when I re-read the letter, I was astounded to find that I accomplished 83% of what I said I would do.

Since that year, I have faithfully written a Future Letter to Myself every January. I generally start thinking about things I’d like to include in the letter the weeks leading up to January, which of course is why I’m sharing this right now on MML instead of January 1st.

As I’ve mentioned in the past:

Over the last five seven years, I have found that I can in large part, predict or complete much of what I set forth in these visions. I also know that some of my intentions will not happen. And after seeing the turn of events with Jess LC this year and the growth of MakeunderMyLife, I now submit this vision with a disclaimer: If any of these statements are not meant to come true, please help me to be flexible and thankful for the other awesome blessings that will come in their place.

Here’s How to Write an Annual Letter

Though there certainly is no wrong way to write an annual letter, I can share how I prefer to write my own. I begin each letter with “Dear Jess, As I see myself walk into the door in 2012, I see a ___________. ” Then I talk about what I have done in 2011 in past tense. For example: “I have decorated my bedroom with crisp bedding, nice side tables, and pretty, modern lamps.” or “I am kind and compassionate, not just with other people, but also towards my own shortcomings.” I also try to describe what I have done in all of my roles, such as: personal growth, Jess LC, MakeunderMyLife, spirituality, and relationships.

After the letter is written, I keep it in a place where I can find it easily, but only try to reread it every few months. Two years ago I tried to read it frequently but found that it was more stressful than inspirational. As the saying goes, we overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what we can do in a year.

In closing

I’ll be back in January to share some of my 2012 intentions. In the meantime, I encourage you to consider writing your own future letter and emailing it to yourself a few times next year with futureme.org.

This last two weeks has been a whirlwind! Like most people, I have been busier this holiday season than ever before. While wrapping up the holiday orders for Jess LC and celebrating the with friends and Mr. Lively, I have had the opportunity of a lifetime come my way.

Tomorrow I will be flying out to New York to shoot a segment with Mr. Nate Berkus on The Nate Show.

Totally insane, right? While I can’t get into details, I can say that the segment will come on sometime in February. And when it airs, I’ll be sure to let you all know the details.

But let’s just say that this 36 hour trip to NYC falling right on the last week four day week of holiday selling for the year more than hectic. There are a million things to wrap up here in the shop, we have our Jess LC holiday party this evening, I have to make a trip to our new manufacturer for the iPad cases, and I need to prepare for the holiday break as well as get all the last orders out the door by Thursday.

It’s enough to make my head spin.

And after noticing my thoughts turn from want to’s to have to’s quicker than the temperature is dropping, I am taking a stand.

For the rest of this week, I intend to use the words want to regarding everything that needs to get done between now and my flight to Philly to see my family on Friday.

Though my to-do list will not be shortened one iota with this line of thinking, I refuse to allow myself to go have an incredibly great experience in New York while grumbling about everything else. I don’t want to look back on this week and think about how I murmured my way through.

I want to reflect back and think about that wonderful time during the holidays that I got to go on TV while still getting all of my other intentions completed cheerfully.

I think that’s something we all can remember right now as things get a little out of hand before some much needed time off.

Over the course of the last year you have seen Jess LC grow by leaps in bounds from a product standpoint. We went from just jewelry to an array of products to create the beginning of what I intend to be a lifestyle brand.

And during the year you’ve also seen what I believe is a more pensive side to my own perspective on life and business. Things have been hard.

So while the outside shell looks “better than ever,” I am always quick to point out that I myself don’t feel that changed or different because of the success.

More success has meant more stress.

It hit me so clearly how these two pictures are so different when Lauren commented on the announcement that we are pre-selling iPad cases and raising the price in 2012. She mentioned that it was like an early Christmas present for myself. My first thought after reading that statement was honestly, “Is she crazy? Didn’t she just read that we are going to have to spend more money than ever before and raise the price because of 37% increase in labor? That we ran out of product in the height of the holiday selling season? That’s not a gift, that’s just stress wrapped in a bow.”

Clearly, I have have had a warped way of looking at things.

But this morning I took a step back and really looked at what has happened and finally I’m starting to see a glimmer of what this whole learning experience might have to teach me.

You see, I have always taken the hard road with my career. I ditched the business school interviews for $60k-$80k jobs to make less than a McDonald’s employee the first few years while starting up Jess LC full-time. I flossed so I didn’t have to go to the dentist for three years because I didn’t have dental insurance. I have had anxiety attacks over cash flow.

In my experience, self-employment is not easy. But it is worth it when you do it with intention and just keep going.

So I think that as things progressed this year, I continued to look at the challenges I faced as the price I paid for the company growth. I looked at the whole experience as a happiness neutral exchange. Sure, I got what I wanted, but at the same time my responsibility and stress rose equally. I’m sure this can also apply for others with different careers, relationships, or life changes.

But the truth is, I want to change.

I want to bask in the success of the company and see it rise to even higher levels. I want to take on new opportunities and share them with you. I want to get excited and share the successes as they come. I want to let the successes I have inspire those who are just starting out (or debating about whether to do so at all). I want to show that it is possible to succeed at what you are meant to do (and not be poor).

At the same time, I also want it to be abundantly clear that it is never easy to ascend to the next level. It takes hard work, learning, growth, higher quality, and perseverance. It takes a crap load of faith, too.

But I think I’ve made it pretty clear this year that new levels mean new challenges. Now I want to lighten up on that in my head and on MML and share the blessings as they come.

Designing a life with intention isn’t meant to be a life of lack, frustration, and stress. It can be challenging, but deeply meaningful and wonderful.

So now I’m going to soak in the goodness I have. And let it be.

Over the past two weeks my boyfriend and I have been reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Or, more accurately, he has been reading it and I have heard several chapters and a spattering of passages. The book definitely has a strong point of view and is intended for men. From my perspective, it seems to be a slightly humorous Maxim magazine translation of timeless wisdom.

Surprisingly, I have had a lot to think about based on the topics presented despite the focus on the male point of view.

You see, Deida talks a lot about the balance of masculine and feminine energy in relationships. Though these masculine and feminine energies can be found in all people, most people are an unbalanced mix of the two, which is a good thing. (A same sex couple, for example, could have one more masculine energy partner and one more feminine energy partner, he says.)

He claims that this complimentary contrast between the two energies in intimate relationships is very good and healthy. While the workplace has become more and more neutralized with these energies in both sexes, he insists that the polarity of the male and female energy at home keeps things balanced – and steamy.

Though I may not agree with 100% of what he lays out, I can say that I have found myself nodding in agreement many times.

And after an honest chat with my boyfriend, it became clear that though I do definitely have a more feminine energy as a whole, at times I also have a tendency to take the lead on things in our personal life, problem solve, and attempt to advise – all masculine attributes.

Though none of those things are really bad, when I am quick to do those things I take the opportunity away from him to do them himself.

Which is kind of stupid – I want him to do them for us, but sometimes I do it myself so quickly I don’t give him the chance.

As I reflected on why I might be doing these masculine aspects in our personal life despite the fact that it’s not what I truly want to be doing, I had a realization:

In order to run Jess LC, I need to make hundreds of masculine actions to make sure things run smoothly. It’s only me at the top of our very tiny company, and all customer service situations, contracts, purchases, finance, marketing, strategy, and design decisions fall to me. The buck stops with Jess. There is no one to look to besides my business coach whom I meet with once a month for counsel – and even then, I still need to make the decisions and actions myself.

What is even more interesting is that I often don’t like having to take all the really masculine initiatives, but I am forced to because I don’t have a company big enough to support another partner to take on those responsibilities.

So I am left alone to do all the masculine and feminine energy things in the small business. And surprisingly, as I have gotten better at some of the more analytical tasks, I have started to enjoy them.

But I think this approach to problem solving, directing, and leading has leaked a bit into my personal life by accident, out of habit.

I want to change this about myself.

I want to be able to contribute to our decision making, but in a more balanced way. And after thinking about it some more, I actually do personally want him to take the lead on most things. I want to be able to be my feminine self and not have to try to “fix” or “solve” any hiccups along the way. I want to be able to relax and not feel like I am in the drivers seat. So why do I tend to grab the wheel?

After making these connections, I am so thankful that I now have the awareness to evolve. I am now grateful that I have the chance to pursue my masculine side with Jess LC and grow the company with strategy, logic, and feminine intuition. And I am equally pleased that I don’t need to do the masculine aspects in my relationship.

I want to sit back and enjoy the ride at home as a contributing partner, but steer my business anywhere I please.

Though I will certainly won’t be a slouch as a girlfriend, I am way too intentional for that, it will be nice to relax a bit and trust him because I know he’ll do an amazing job.

Each year I find that though I accomplish a million mini goals, I tend to also face ONE large and formidable intention, problem, or opportunity as well.

I call this – regardless whether the change is good or bad – my “monster.”

It is something that seems larger than myself and something that can span several months or the majority of the year for me to understand and thrive with.

Some of my past personal life monsters have been:

Learning to fire my ego from controlling my weight.

Living with an ex-boyfriend while going through a five month break up.

Learning to focus on my “be’s” more than my “have’s” and “do’s.” 

And the business monsters were:

The 2007 monster was “Grow From Part-Time in College to Full-Time in Chicago.”

The 2008 monster was “Selling Jewelry Wholesale to Over 100 Boutiques Nationwide.”

The 2009 monster was “Transitioning from Wholesale to Become an Online Shop.”

The 2010 monster was “Re-Branding Jess LC.”

And the 2011 monster was “Create a Lifestyle Brand with Contractors.”

Each of these monsters were tough, scary, and unfamiliar. Yet each were also simultaneously integral in the evolution of my life and business. Without these struggles, I would not have the strengths I gained from slaying the beasts. And it is precisely those strengths which make me more capable of taking on bigger challenges in my life.

So I’m learning not only to accept these impending beasts as inevitable, but also as essential to my growth as a person and business owner.

And you know what? I’m starting to get pretty good at predicting which monsters are coming up around the corner.

Though I will undoubtedly be sideswiped by a monster here or there, I think I have a pretty good hunch as to which monsters are lurking behind the calender in 2012.

In my personal life, I think the monster will have to do with growth in my relationships. And in Jess LC, the monster is the much higher production volume.

Both of these beasts are a bit scary and I am not going to lie; part of me is afraid.

But that doesn’t mean that I can’t face them and realize that by working through them, I will ultimately be happier and more prepared for anything hiding behind door 2013.

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Now that December is upon us, I am turning my thoughts gently towards the start of 2012 and the intentions I want to cultivate in the new year. Personally, I mix reflection on the previous year and musings about what I’d like to cultivate in months to come during the month of December. That way by January I have a somewhat fuzzy but familiar list of intentions to flesh out in more detail.

To help me make this slow transition over the next few weeks, I used our popular (and now retired) Franklin collection phrase, Dream Bigger, as my inspiration. Lately I find the phrase to relate to dreaming for more meaningful intentions than for more “stuff.”

Feel free to download the wallpaper here.

For the past two days I have been a bit MIA here on MML due to a migraine. In fact, over the past few weeks I also feel like I’ve been a bit less “me” on MML. And I am deeply sorry for this.

As I have mentioned, I am in the process of switching contractors for our bags in Chicago and the new level of business quite honestly overwhelms me and I have felt uncharacteristically timid about the process. I’m in deeper waters than ever before and when I feel the worries and doubts creep in, I tend to hunker down. I close myself off from friends, new opportunities, and I have less energy to pour into MML. This is hard stuff. I don’t have the answers and my faith is being stretched to a new level.

But you know what helps? Knowing that I can do hard things.

That helps, and the fact that the new steps I take with Jess LC increase my experience and advice for my Business with Intention clients. In fact, the Business with Intention client consults I have have had in November have been the highlight of my work life this month.

So today I’m drawing from my excitement in the consulting to help myself get out of my stress rut and get back in the saddle here on MML.

Though I haven’t shared my personal intentions much at all this year (except for a million that I created over the summer which resulted in a huge burnout), I am slowly getting back in the swing of things by sharing two meaningful and attainable intentions I am making for December.

As usual, my intentions are general, but the way that I then use them to design my life and time this month are specific.

This holiday season will be the second I have spent with Mr. Lively. Last year we began dating in late November, just before Thanksgiving. So we did a few couple holiday things together, but nothing too major. Which makes me excited to further develop our own traditions this year.

As you can see above, Mr. Lively helped me last night with the preparation of our stockings. I planned at first to buy them at Home Goods, but the selection was disappointing. So instead of buying, we are creating our stockings out of an Anthropologie table cloth that I have had for several years that has no great use due to it’s awkward size. Since I don’t have a sewing machine, I am doing them by hand. Which is turning out to be a relaxing project to do while watching tv or listening to Christmas music.

I am also going to prepare a “Christmas Day” for Mr. Lively as well. “Christmas Day” was established last year as a day other than December 25th, in which I devised a full day’s worth of activities that Mr. Lively would like. On “Christmas Day” it’s all about him (and don’t worry about me, I have “Valentine’s Day”). Last year we went to the Bongo Room for brunch, visited the Science and Industry Museum, strolled through the Lincoln Park Conservatory and checked out their train exhibit, ate treats at Molly’s Cupcakes, and watched Garden State while drinking a Belgian Triple. This year I am going to have to think up a new itinerary (but I can’t share it right now as Mr. Lively may be reading this).

Our other main tradition that we’d like to make is getting a Christmas tree! I have not had a real Christmas tree since I was a little kid and I’m very excited for Mr. Lively to take me out tonight and pick one out. As you can imagine, I have already been pre-decorating it in my head. My intention is to do large and small white lights, tinsel, and my childhood ornaments my mom has given me. I’ll be sure to share it here on MML once it’s complete.

Beyond these traditions, Susie, Melissa, Mr. Lively and I will be having a Jess LC holiday party, too. Wine, carbs, sugar, and The Nightmare Before Christmas may be in the cards.

Beyond the Christmas traditions I am also looking to add more reading and reflecting into my schedule. To be honest I have slipped a little on my Email Intervention. Though I still don’t check emails on nights/weekends 99% of the time, I have gotten into the habit of checking my email within about 15 minutes of waking up on weekdays.

I have noticed that this habit has at times increased my anxiety a bit in the mornings as my mind focuses on the tasks at hand for Jess LC while I get dressed or eat breakfast. So instead of checking my email first thing, my intention is to pick up a book. By nature, I tend to read spiritual books or other positive non-fiction. And reading these books in the morning help me set my mind on positive things that I can do daily to be my best self.

I also intend to take time to reflect on my little couch in my bedroom in the morning. I find that I tend to take a lot of blessings in my life for granted when I don’t take the time to sit down and focus my attention on being calm and peaceful. So my intention is to focus as early on in the day as possible on gratitude.

 
So how about you? Any December intentions in mind?

Yesterday Michelle from When I Grow Up wrote about how she overcame her fears while pursuing her life coaching business. and I think the formula she came up with is brilliant.

We can all remember these attributes as we face the worries (aka Vampires) that surface when breaking out of our norm to fulfill our deeper intentions.

Over the course of the summer Mr. Lively and I have started to run together and recently trained for and completed a 15k (9.3 miles) Hot Chocolate race here in Chicago last Saturday.

It was Mr. Lively’s first official race, and we had a great time training during the week and on weekends. Because of the shared training, we did most of our workouts for the last few months together.

Now that the race is over and winter is hitting Chicago quickly, I am focused on not losing the momentum and drive to workout that I have gained during training. I don’t want to coast into a lazy winter.

On Tuesday we had planned to workout, but at the last minute we decided to skip the workout. Instead we drank wine, ate a cookie dessert for dinner, and played Connect Four all night. It was delightful.

But as you can imagine, I was also eager for the Wednesday night workout.

However, when Mr. Lively came to my apartment after work on Wednesday, he didn’t feel like working out. So I grumbled, and headed out the door to workout on my own.

For a while, I was actually a bit upset that he didn’t want to do the workout. After all, I didn’t really “want” to workout that night either; I would have rather cooked and watched tv. But instead, I got myself to the gym to do what I know was best for myself and my intention to stay on track with winter workouts.

Yet I have to admit, after the run I really did feel better physically and mentally. I was glad that I went on my own and completed my intention.

While in the shower, I had a breakthrough;

Having an Accountability Partner is not the same as holding your partner accountable.

My initial frustration over the fact that Mr. Lively didn’t work out was because I was holding him accountable for my own intention to work out that evening.

We had never shared an official plan or intention to help each other workout after the race, but I had been used to the previous routine and assumed that he would share my unsaid intentions. And therefore, I was leaning on him to help me get my butt out the door and workout, despite the fact that we had never discussed it.

I held him accountable for my intention.

Not cool. Not even fair.

The only person I am accountable to with my intentions in any area of my life is myself. I can seek help and support in what I do, but I cannot expect others to fulfill my intentions, without properly dicussing it beforehand. Furthermore, I should be able to craft a vision for my intentions and follow through on my own, regardless of other people. I can lean on myself for the internal motivation and discipline, rather than blame others on my lack of follow through or desire.

Ultimately, my accountability is to myself.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I have been working my way through The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey for about the sixth time in six years. At this point I feel like I should practically be an affiliate for the book since I mention it so often. But seriously, this has become the foundation for so much of my intentional life that I cannot help but bring it up and relate to the content.

Interestingly, though I have read through the book completely a few times, for several years I have been only focusing on the first three habits. I just read them over and over and over. They are about the personal victory that comes with becoming a proactive person, beginning with the end in mind, and putting first things first.

Like Covey, I do believe that if I am able to really internalize these three habits, the fruits would be amazing. And I have made a ton of progress, but I also still have room to grow.

During the early chapters, Covey emphasizes how important it is to make a mission statement for your life to help guide your time, decisions, and priorities. And when I was in college reading the material, I did make a mission statement and used it pretty regularly (I kept it inside my vanity cabinet door so I could see it each morning and night).

But in recent years I haven’t taken the time to make a mission statement. After this summer, when I made over one hundred intentions and got very perfectionistic and critical of my life, I have been gun shy when it comes to setting any major or minor intentions.

However, I have recently made a lot of headway in working towards being optimal rather than perfectionistic, while re-reading another favorite text, The Pursuit of Perfect. And I think I now have the mindset that can handle intentions without making them mandates or scary laws with internal corporal punishment.

So yesterday I sat down and drafted my life intention statement. I expected it to take several hours and tons of soul searching.

But it only took 20 minutes.

You see, to get inspired for my statement I figured that FranklinCovey.com (Covey’s company) would have examples on their website. But they were much more “effective” than that, they actually have a free Mission Statement Builder that asks you 12 thought-provoking questions which can become fodder for your actual statement.

I answered the questions and was given the following personalized content to work with. I saved a screen shot of my answers to the questions and how I turned those answers into overarching intentions for my life.

Once this exercise was done, I had pretty succinctly summed up all that is truly important to me and guides me in my life.

My Personal Intention Statement

To take bright and bold steps in my life.

To live life expecting God to provide the things I need.

To stay connected and present with Scott and continue to be energetic and present with one another.

To live optimally – doing the best I can in each situation, given reality.

To use the principles of honesty, patience, encouragement, kindness, potential, integrity, excellence, and growth in my actions.

To keep God and principles first place in my life, to look there for answers, guidance, peace, and completion.

To create a life that is conducive to a loving, safe, happy, and fun home.

To be actively engaged in many projects that relate to my interests and contribution to others, financially and with my unique talents.

To be loyal, consistent, striving to be better, and reliable. To continue to strive to build the best relationship that I can.

To look at what I really want out of life and design my life and career around those things.

To share my life and business lessons with others so they may learn, relate, and know what is possible in their own lives.

Do my best and leave the rest to God. Be still and in the present moment when things get tough. Pray.

To remember Ben Franklin. I too am capable of much in my life.

Start right here and just keep going.

—

I plan to continue to modify, edit, and evolve this statement as I grow in life, but for now I will use these intentions to help guide my life and actions. I know I’ll never be perfect 100% of the time, but I still can return back to the intentions and begin again each day.

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Happy November! This month’s wallpaper is coming from my best piece of advice post last week. The phrase that I find myself saying over and over when asked “what to do” when designing a life with intention, starting a business, or making under a space, is always the same, start where you are and just keep going.

It’s literally the only thing that I myself have done which has gotten me anywhere in my entire journey to design my life with intention over the past six years. And this reminder is something that I can have on my screen each day as I continue to move into new areas of my life as well.

Enjoy!

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This morning I had an “aha moment” that I’d like to share. It all came from something that Joyce Meyer mentioned in a recent show about the bible passage regarding “rejoicing in your suffering.” (As you may know, I’m not Christian, but I was raised Catholic and I have continued to study spiritual teachings of all kinds.)

I knew of this phrase about suffering for many years, but I don’t think I ever fully grasped the implications on my daily life. I always felt like the idea of “rejoicing in suffering” meant that I should be happy about the suffering, to be thankful for it. And for obvious reasons, this never really sounded that appealing to me. Sure, it would be a fantastically spiritual to be thanking Life for suffering while I was in it, but never something I thought I could genuinely achieve.

However, this morning I realized that the passage doesn’t have to mean that I’m being happy because of hardship, but rather that I can be happy during tough times.

I don’t need to be a Super Human unaffected by negative feelings and emotions during trouble. But I can learn to be happy while negative things happen. I don’t have to be happy because of bad things, but I also don’t have to be locked in to only feeling good or bad based on the presence or absence of suffering.

Now that I think of it, even Stephen Covey in you guessed it says something very similar. In his book he shares that a dear friend who went through agonizing pain and suffering during her battle with terminal cancer remained positive and upbeat despite her failing health and eventual death. It wasn’t that she was happy because of the cancer, she was happy independent of it. The ability to shift focus in tough times is the essence of pro-activity, Covey explains.

So for me in my daily life, I’m refocusing on this idea. I want to be better about challenges and learn how to create a space around my Core which can be insulated from positive or negative events that happen to me. That I can fill that Core with a peacefulness that remains unswayed when the winds blow. I’m sure this will be a tough process to fully integrate into my life, but one that ultimately could help me a great deal.

Sorry for the delay on the post. This morning Danielle and I were shooting the next lookbook for the new Jess LC collection debuting next week. The shoot is a bit different this time compared to past lookbooks due to the nature of the products, so I can’t wait to reveal the collection!

Now it’s time to talk about my new little inspirational guru. Though there are many ideas out there on ways to give thanks from blessing books to grace at mealtime, Jessica’s methods (shown below) have far and away been most joyful and gratitude inducing for me.

I first revisited this video as Mr. Lively started mimicking her gratitude for things in our own lives and over the past week or so (including the fist pumps) and it’s become a running joke as well as a positive way to talk about good things in our lives.

Today on my morning run, I started to (silently) use her singsong style to give thanks for things in my own life. And you know what? It actually got me smiling grinning. I found this little tactic actually helped brighten my mood more than any other gratitude method before. And I wasn’t in a negative mood when I started, but the silent singing took me from happy to practically ecstatic.

Try it. It is certainly silly, but I think that’s half the magic.

And… Thanks to Adore Magazine!

Also, one of my things to be thankful for is a recent feature in Adore Magazine’s new issue! Thank you so much Rebecca for the wonderful shout out for our new Quincy Coin Purses.

PS – We got the gold/fuchsia and eggplant/fuchsia back in stock!

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Happy October! This is one of my favorite months of the year. My birthday, pumpkin flavored treats, fall leaves, and cooler weather all combine perfectly during these 31 days.

This month’s wallpaper quote comes from, you guessed it, my favorite book. I really want to take the time this month to figure out what is most important and make sure that I make time for those things. Yoga, for example, has been on my list of activities to do for more than a year. But I have pushed it back over and over again because I haven’t made my schedule work around that priority. It’s time for me to make that priority before the schedule gets filled.

Click here to get the full-size image.

My friend Kate sent me this image she found on Super Great and I think it perfectly encapsulates what I’ve been working through since revisiting The Pursuit of Perfect. In the book the author, Tal, explains the difference between a Perfectionist and an Optimalist. A Perfectionist will decide what a perfect course of action would be and refuses to allow any deviation from the straight path towards success. While an Optimalist is someone who takes reality and current situations into account and works within real-life possibilities, doing they best they can at any given moment.

Often, the course of an Optimalist is staggered, imperfect, winding, confusing, or even delayed. It can be as squiggly as the line above. But the strength of the Optimal approach is that it lives within Real Life while the Perfect line is an imaginary ideal. The Optimal way is often simply much more possible.

A fantastic example of the Optimal vs. Perfect route is seen in Patrick Makau’s world record breaking marathon performance this weekend. As the article states,

Not content to cover 26.2 miles in a neat loop, Patrick Makau of Kenya turned the Berlin Marathon into his own personal conga line Sunday while setting a world record of 2 hours 3 minutes 38 seconds.

Just before Mile 17, Makau swung from one side of the flat course to the other, once, twice, three times, then surged. This zigzagging tactic exposed and dropped the previous record-holder, Haile Gebrselassie of Ethiopia, who had run 2:03:59 in Berlin in 2008.

By taking into account that there was the previous record holder on his tail, Makau, choose the imperfect, zigzagging path to the finish in order to shake the contender in his wake. Had he been so focused on running a perfectly straight performance, it is easy to see that he could have allowed Gebrelassie to draft behind him for much longer and even exposed himself to a more tense and possibly unsuccessful first place finish.

Instead of letting that happen, Makau dropped the ideal path in order to deal with the present moment reality: that there was a man behind him who he needed to shake. And in order to best out run this opponent, he ran a irregular path. And in spite of this setback, he was still able to reach the finish and break the world record, achieving the “perfect performance outcome” that he desired in the first place.

Like Makau, I want to be able to read Real Life situations and deal with them as they come in order to push past barriers and allow for delays and mistakes. It’s the only way that really allows me to take risks and learn from them. It’s the only thing that will really give me peace and help me achieve the intentions I set out for myself.

photo credit

Everyone gives a lot of lip service to the idea that a loving relationship should be filled with learning and growing together. It’s easy to find Etsy prints, books, and postcards with sayings related to this idea, yet I never seemed to really get the message.

You see, when Mr. Lively and I started our relationship, I immediately wanted to “design a relationship with intention” (as I do with every area of my life). I thought that we should talk a lot about our future plans, dreams, and intentions. That we should work to discover our strengths and weaknesses, and resolve any issues.

I imagined that once we figured out what kind of life we wanted and what our intentions were, we would automatically be an (almost) perfect couple. That by designing a relationship with intention, that we’d be in a smooth sailing partnership.

And to some extent it’s true, I deeply love, respect, and appreciate him. Our life, though not perfect, is pretty darn incredible. He is kind, thoughtful, funny (okay, downright witty), smart, and talkative. We have tons of fun together eating amazing food around Chicago, biking, running, and reading aloud to each other at night.

But there still were issues and conflicts in the relationship nonetheless.

In the past, each time we found ourselves faced with an issue, we would talk it out, work through it, and find a way to get back to the smooth sailing. That’s what I thought it meant to “learn and grow together.” Whenever there is an issue, you figure it out together and get past it as a stronger team.

Recently, however, I’m learning that there is more to it than that.

In the past few weeks we have gradually evolved from “problem solvers,” intent on clearing away the barriers in our life to get back to Great, to honestly pursuing growth as a goal in and of itself. Before, I used to grow enough to keep the relationship positive. Now, I’m looking to actively continue to improve whether there is trouble or peace between us.

And I don’t think that I was being lazy before, I just don’t think I knew any better.

This shift started with reading The Pursuit of Perfect together.  As we’ve been reading the book aloud, we’ve taken time to stop, discuss, and relate the concepts to areas of our personal lives and work situations. We’ve begun to share and help each other learn how to approach situations and life in general, differently.  — And there isn’t a “problem” to be fixed this time. We are simply reflecting and learning so that we can be better people towards one another and out in the world.

In the process of being study partners in self-improvement, I have sensed a shift in how I see relationships. I now know that it’s possible to be in a relationship that can lead to higher growth as an individual. That I don’t need to just grow in the couple to be a better girlfriend, but I can use it to become a better woman. And sharing in a goal that is larger than “us” brings us closer together on a totally different level.

A great relationship doesn’t have to be an unending string of positive feelings and fun. And it also doesn’t have to be one that faces conflict as a way to keep the peace. It can be one that includes the positives, the conflicts, and the unending shared pursuit of individual and shared growth.

Yesterday Mr. Lively had his first annual review at his current job. And I also had a review of sorts, with the launch of Quincy and Belmont.

As we talked about the very positive outcomes from both reviews, we were slightly amazed. Given how challenging our jobs have been in the past year, it is almost baffling to think that among dozens of hardships, setbacks, and delays, we were able to come out of the year with glowing feedback.

For me personally, thinking about how freaking hard it was to get Quincy and Belmont to launch day, I almost feel like the buzz and support I’ve gratefully received seems undeserved. I mean, I was far from perfect during this process. I’ve written a fair amount the past few months about . the . challenges I’ve been working through in my head. And I’ve felt a fair deal of anxiety and frustration.

And despite all of the problems, mistakes, and worry, the ultimate outcome is fantastic.

To go through so much crap and then find such glowing reviews confuses my brain.

Because you see, as Mr. Lively and I have been re-reading one of my favorite books, The Pursuit of Perfect (found on the MML bookshelf), I’ve noticed that some of my latent perfectionist tendencies have been resurfacing this year.

I’ve been believing, deep down, that in order to “really” be able to enjoy success, I need to have been perfect the whole way through the process. I need to have handled every situation and issue that came up along the way perfectly in order to truly deserve a great launch.

The reality of getting these products developed included imperfections, anger, joy, breakthroughs, and tears (both good and bad). How can the outcome be good if there was so much stress throughout the journey?

Because a happy life, or a successful business, does not require perfection.

I need to relearn that I do not need to expect an uninterrupted stream of positive emotions or outcomes to be happy overall. I set myself up for failure when I have that expectation because it is impossible. It also numbs me from positive feedback. I can’t really believe the positive comments people say too much because I still have been holding on to the negative feelings and reactions I’ve had in the past during the process.

It’s like I finished a marathon and instead of being thankful that I finished and pushed through the tough parts, I’m focusing on the times during the race where I walked, slowed down, or deviated from my perfect pace. I’m not allowing a positive response to the race because there were setbacks along the way.

So now it’s my job to work through these limiting beliefs and let go of the dead weight in my mind to free myself up to fully feel the happiness of what I’ve accomplished.