a snapshot of the studio apartment where I launched Jess LC and MML in 2007-2009
Though I have been making and selling jewelry since I was a high school freshman, the decision to make the business a profession was a long and winding road. As I mentioned yesterday, before selling my first anklet, I had no real interest in jewelry. In fact, I spent most of my childhood re-decorating my bedroom endlessly.
But neither interior design nor law, a career I pledged my life to when I was in third grade, became my lot in life. And though my college application essays professed a drive to grow the business full-time, I became seriously close to dropping it completely and getting a corporate creative job in marketing, product development, or buying.
To understand how I got to Chicago launching Jess LC, you need to understand how miserable I was during my junior year of college.
Like many college students, I went through a phase of uncertainty and questioning. For me, this was during my junior year of college when I was living as a Resident Adviser in free-spirited residential college and taking classes in the business school. These two worlds, separated by a single street, could not have been more different philosophically and they perfectly reflected a lot of my own internal struggles. Work hard, play hard vs. live in the moment and be happy without attachment to material wealth. Combine this debate with the realization that I needed to forge my own path in life independent of my upbringing or other people’s expectations and you have yourself a pretty little stew of suckiness.
All of the beliefs that I had held as a child were challenged and I effectively burned my life paradigm in order to begin again. And in the process, I despised myself. I didn’t want to face the uncertainty, the confusion, and the imperfections in my life. I wanted to be perfect. RIGHTNOW. I wanted to abandon my body and dive into a new, perfect one. During this time I binge ate candy bars and gained 20 pounds in just over one semester. I went to counseling. I hated hearing my thoughts inside my head. It was as if my ego was rampant in my mind pointing out all of my flaws and shortcomings.
For a long time, my method of trying to fix this feeling of lack and imperfection was to get something new to fix it. Maybe this new lip gloss will make me feel beautiful. Maybe that new Coach bag will make me feel stylish. Maybe this new guy will validate my worth as a woman. Maybe this new pillow will make my dorm room perfect.
I sought validation and completion in external stuff.
Then one day in my journey to undo all of the negative thinking in my life I stumbled upon a quote by Michelangelo in which he stated that creating the David statue was easy because he saw the potential within the marble; he simply removed the layers that hid the masterpiece.
That simple paradigm shift, from thinking that I needed more stuff in my life to be my best self to realizing that I was already the “best me” underneath all of the stuff changed me forever.
No longer did I need to complete myself with extra things to be perfect. The person I wanted to be was exactly who I was, without the extra crap. My best self was me without the 20 pounds of candy bar fat – not a super model body. My best self was me without the skinny clothes I saved – getting rid of the ill fitting clothes left me with a great wardrobe which was comfortable and attractive. My best self was me without the negative self-talk – not a different mind.
I also realized that our culture at the time had a hand in other’s feeling this way as well. Extreme Makeover was one of the most popular tv shows at that time, and I knew that my mission was to help people realize that they could makeunder to be truly happy.
While I was re-wiring my brain and becoming happier and climbing my way out of my misery, I did research on Oprah and Martha Stewart other women who had made massive change and decided my best course of action to help people makeunder was to write a book. And as much as I worked on the book proposal about simplifying your home, I also knew that I was living in a dorm room. I didn’t have much authority on the subject of simplifying a kitchen, garage, and playroom. I felt like a green banana, not quite ripe yet.
So in 2007 after graduation, I decided that running Jess LC full-time would allow me to devote as much time as possible to the book proposal and writing. I knew from my internship at Macy’s the summer before that a 40 hour work week was a challenge to write around and that I could easily get caught up in the rat race and delay or ditch the proposal altogether.
Which meant that in August of 2007, I moved to the studio apartment shown in the photo above in Chicago and launched Jess LC. Getting the company started took much more time and energy than I ever could have imagined and I decided to focus my energy there until it was more established. Then the recession hit, and things got even more challenging. But in January of 2009 I made the intention to start writing bits and pieces of my makeunder journey on a blog so that I could eventually turn it into a book proposal.
Which is exactly what I did. I had no real intention of anyone reading the content, it was simply a less daunting writing tool than a blank Word document.
But a few days later after advertising on my first blog for Jess LC, I got a comment from Anne of The City Sage on my “book proposal” site. I had been reading her blog for months and was quite shocked that she would even look at something I had written. For me, it was a sign.
I didn’t need to have a book, book tour, or tv show to help people makeunder. I simply needed to write each day and help people exactly where I was – on MML.
And that, my dear friends, is why and how I started MML. Thank you so much for reading. I hope that what I’ve shared over the last two and a half years has indeed helped you find your best self underneath your stuff.
August 16th, 2011 at 10:46 am
It takes a lot of guts to be that open. Thank you for sharing.
August 16th, 2011 at 10:48 am
what a great post, jess! so well-written and honest.
August 16th, 2011 at 11:25 am
thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us! I rarely comment, but your blog is a definite positive beacon of hope and assistance. I’ve been miserable with (most of) my life for years now, and I usually feel crushed by hopelessness, frustration and anger during most waking and sleeping moments; however, reading MML usually introduces other, more positive feelings to this melee.
<3Meghan
August 16th, 2011 at 11:26 am
amazing! so, so amazing!
August 16th, 2011 at 11:46 am
Very inspiring! I’ve really loved your last 2 posts!
August 16th, 2011 at 11:47 am
You have been so inspirational. Thank you, Jess for all you do and write on MML! The world needs people like you.
August 16th, 2011 at 11:50 am
What a wonderful post! Thank you so much for sharing this with us and I’m so happy to have stumbled up your blog the last month or two. I’m going through a similar phase and questioning myself in so many aspects of life, especially career-wise. I’m trying my best to get back to that better place and “peel” off those layers. Reading encouraging blogs like urs has helped me move forward slowly but surely:) and work through the negative self-talk. Thank you for your honesty and sharing with ur past struggles. You’re truly an inspiration!
August 16th, 2011 at 11:54 am
just wanted to comment and say thanks for sharing. it’s always inspiring to hear the stories, behind the story
August 16th, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Thanks Jess. Your blog has truly been lifechanging for me. Don’t stop!!
August 16th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Such a good story! You are a great witness to the concept of “making under”. You practice what you preach, and by doing so, you prove that this works!
August 16th, 2011 at 12:22 pm
This blog has absolutely helped me — I want you to know that. Between both the actual activity suggestions (worry flashcards!) to just reading about your journey, it’s so inspiring. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
August 16th, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this. You are an inspiration to me. I want to launch my own clothing line one day. And when I see what you’re doing, it encourages me.
August 16th, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Thank you! Your journey is something that I think most women our age can relate to, and it is so inspiring to see your fight for what truly makes you happy.
August 16th, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I’m really enjoying your going back to basics. I discovered your blog a year ago this month, so it’s good to have the reminders and reflect on how far I’ve come in the past year!
August 16th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Reading the chronicles of your journey(s) has helped and encouraged me. I’ve had so many of the same questions, even though I’m several years older. The worry flash cards are a useful tool in the discernment process. Reading the stories here offers insight, and even intimacy with others as we strive to makeunder our lives. Thanks, Jess!
August 16th, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Ooh, I love this backstory. It’s wonderful! Did you know it’s been shown in a few studies that the more people cling to “stuff” the more weight they also seem to cling to? It’s an interesting phenomenon.
August 16th, 2011 at 11:52 pm
You rock. Don’t stop!
August 17th, 2011 at 11:30 am
Great post! I love what you do. Thanks for sharing your life with us on MML.
August 17th, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I really needed to read this post today. I’ve been having one of those days where all I can think about is spending money, trips I want to take, things I want to do…. and then the quote “when you feel less than, you spend more then” came into my head. I got married on August 5 and am SO happy, however I feel like I have lost my sense of purpose because I no longer have something HUGE (aka. the wedding) to plan anymore.
I need to be okay with just “being” and enjoy life. It’s been go-go-go the last couple of years (we moved out which was super exciting, we got engaged… super exciting again, then we started planning the wedding!) and this is the first time in two years that we’ve just relaxed and been able to have no plans.
The quote ” That simple paradigm shift, from thinking that I needed more stuff in my life to be my best self to realizing that I was already the “best me” underneath all of the stuff changed me forever. ” was exactly… exactly what I needed to hear today.
I’m excited for this chapter of my life.. I love my husband so much and am excited to have time to ourselves.. I don’t need more things or Grand big plans.. I can just be.
August 18th, 2011 at 9:50 am
Thank you so much for your amazing support!! I feel so thankful to have the chance to “meet” you all!
Meghan and Anna, it means so much to know that this is helping you in your journey. I wish you brighter years to come!
Lisa, thanks so much for sticking with me through this journey. I’m thrilled to hear that your life is going so well in the past year!
Reading, I couldn’t agree more! I have noticed in my own life that there are times where when I stop over eating, I can tend to start shopping more, however. It’s all about balance and awareness, I suppose.
Leanne, I loved reading your comment and learning more about your current situation! I can only imagine that what you have been feeling is very normal for people coming out of big landmark events like a wedding. I can also imagine that I may feel the same in your shoes as well. So it’s a great heads up for me to know that those feelings are possible after a big event. I’m going to keep that tucked away in my mind! Thank you.
August 19th, 2011 at 2:14 am
Thank you for such an inspiring post, and thanks for sharing your journey.
I remember very well the feelings you describe when you write about your first years in college. I think I have made the same journey, though maybe less consciously. The feeling that there’s a better version of yourself somewhere in the future and you just want to jump there without enduring all the time in between. Somehow, some day, it all clicked and I “got” it- I got that I have something unique that can be worthwhile already, and I just need to focus on that, not work endlessly towards something else.
Anyway, I blabbed. I don’t comment much but you really inspire me and I’m glad you decided to start this post way back then:)
-Chedva